Confession Time

I feel it is time to come clean about something. One of those secrets that no one seems to relate to. It's not one of those popular things that you see in book stores, in movies, on tv shows, or talked about in podcasts. Really, there is no media about it because it is so strange.

Okay.

Here we go.

I'm just going to say it and put it out in the world.

I am a murderino.

There. It's said. Phew. What a weight off of my shoulders. That's right. I love true crime. Podcasts, documentaries, movies, books. The macabre is fascinating to me.

What was that?

That's a super common thing and you yourself probably love it too?

Huh, who knew. I knew?

Yeah, you're right. I did.

From "Making a Murderer" to "My Favorite Murder" to "Serial" to "Sex on the Moon" to "The Jinx" to "Devil in the White City" to many, many others. True crime stories are prevalent throughout pop culture. Many of these products are incredibly well produced or written, while others have a fascinating story that just doesn't work for some reason. Then they are others that are worth the slog to finally reach the point of fascination.

For example, the book Thunderstruck by Erik Larson is an interesting story for the first three-quarters, but is really dry. It's all about the history of the invention of wireless telegraphs. While I find it enjoyable to learn about past technologies, readying 200+ pages about all the failed tests and minor drama between inventors bordered on not worth it. However, I didn't stop reading the book. Why? What kept me going?

Every few chapters was this other story sprinkled in. This story of this man in London, his wife who left for America, and his new lover. Why do they keep coming back to this and how does it relate to telegraphs? His wife just left a relationship and went back to live with her family in the States in a time where divorce was looked down upon. This isn't that scandalous of story, nor does it have anything to do with this telegraph thing that's happening.

I'm sorry. What do you mean her family doesn't know where she is or why people in England are trying to reach her in the States? They think she is still in London? What? Did...did he kill her? Did this new girl have anything to do with it? Oh no, the new couple have vanished from London and the police found the body in their home?!

Thus begins one of the most fascinating man hunts in history. At a time when wireless telegraphs were a brand new invention and were an untrusted means of communication, the United States and England began using them to send reports of a missing couple that was wanted for murder. The ship they were making the trek across the Atlantic Ocean on was also fitted with one of these wireless telegraph systems. The crew got the description of the people and verified with both countries that the criminals were aboard.

News quickly spread on land, but was kept secret at sea. Suddenly, the entire western world knew the names of these two soon-to-be convicts, what ship they were traveling on, when they would arrive in the States, and that they would be arrested.

However, the couple had no idea they were caught. The game was over for them, but they were the only ones that didn't know that.

What a story. I can see why Larson felt that piece of history deserved to be told. However, I can understand why it's considered his 2nd lowest rated book on GoodReads. I don't see most people finishing it. Maybe the slow trudge through invention isn't worth the last few dozen pages to everyone, even though it was for me. I finished that book about four years ago and that final chase still sits with me.

That's what I'm looking for with Ptolemy. The story at the core of The Last Frontier is captivating. I know it is because not only did it leave me in awe when I first read about it, but I've had rooms of middle school students staring in silence as the journey reaches its end.

But I often think of Thunderstruck when I think about Ptolemy because how do you ensure your audience gets to that moment?

I think this is easier to do in television because you can show pictures or sound bites of a true crime or historical event in order to keep people invested. "Hello audience, don't you worry, you won't believe what we find next."

For anyone that hasn't seen The Jinx on HBO from a few years ago, you should. It's one of those series that is well produced and keeps you watching until the end. Then the end happens, you lose your mind, and they just roll credits because they know that nothing more needs to be said.

When that series finale aired back in 2015, news headlines were filled with the series' role in arresting the subject of the documentary.

I don't think I'm ever going to catch headlines with anything I write, but thinking about these two stories and their two different endings helps guide me.

There is a world around Ptolemy that I have to build in order to make the journey to the moment feel worth it. However, if I spend too much time building that world, will anyone ever reach that moment? Every non-fiction story is told because the author believes it is worth telling. Too much research and time has to go into it for it not to be. Even though Ptolemy is a fictitious character in a fictitious book, the core of my story is not. And it is incredibly important to me that I get that story right.

This leads me to another true crime story, "I'll Be Gone in the Dark." It's a book written by Michelle McNamara about the Golden State Killer and an HBO series about Michelle McNamara's work in helping to solve the crime.

It is also about McNamara's life and her unfortunate death before the book could be finished. You may have seen any of the many headlines about the Golden State Killer or McNamara's death, but neither of those names could mean anything to you. What about one of these:

"Detectives use free genealogy service to solve decades-old serial killer mystery"

"DNA services are sharing your genealogy with police"

"Comedian Patton Oswalt's wife passes away in her sleep"

If you pay any attention to the news, I would be surprised if you didn't see something similar to any of the above statements at some point in the last few years. Especially in regards to the debate of whether or not genealogy services can share their data with investigative agencies.

The reason I started this post today was because of something that was said in this HBO series. Patton Oswalt talks about his wife's work ethic and what life is like for a writer, and it has lived in my brain, rent-free, ever since.

"When a person tells you they need 5 hours to write, it doesn't mean they are writing that entire time. It means they are going to write for 1, but need the other 4 to get ready."

Ever since I switched from writing my short stories with a one hour time limit last year, to working on my book this year, I have felt this but couldn't quite explain it. I know that part of it is related to my undiagnosed ADHD brain trying to take care of other tasks when I sit down, worrying about interruptions, or being too concerned about finding perfection. Is what I am writing today building off of what came before, while also building for what is to come later?

I have tried the "I've got 30 minutes, can I get a little writing done?" technique and it just doesn't work for me. Every time I return to what I did the last time, my brain just says "delete it all." I need a consistent flow of work to hit my stride.

When I sat down today, I didn't know what I was going to write about other than this quote from Patton Oswalt. But because I took a half day off work in order to run some errands, I knew I had time to find what I wanted.

Lately, I've had an itch to find that time.

To start, in October I'm going to take a bit of a vacation by traveling to a hotel nearby. Stay there for a day or two, and just write. I want to see what I can accomplish with time and no distractions. It's going to be a birthday present to myself.

I don't have any goals set for that day. I'm just going to challenge myself. How much can I accomplish if I just had that thing I'm always wishing I had more of?

We will find out.